does he really have to live with nothing?
July 22nd, 2010 | 
Author: my boyfriends in the middle of a divorce! he and his ex have been very reasonable but his ex wife to be has recently discovered what she can take from him and is suddenly turning a little nasty. my boyfriend offered to pay more than a reasonable amount for the two children, gave her the house without a fight, is paying off her car and £15000 worth of debts just so she doesn’t need to worry about a thing while taking care of two children. she does work and earns a fair bit, but has recently discovered that she can take my partners police pension. this will leave him with nothing if she does, he moved into a house a few months ago and still doesn’t have any real furniture as all his money goes to the to be ex wife, also he’s working twice as hard just so he can have a little extra money that he doesn’t get to see! can he fight to keep the pension? is there anywhere online he can get free legal advise, citizens advice was no good so far! please help, thank you
for the record, my partner has not cheated on his wife with me. they have been separated for two years and are a few months into sorting the divorce proceedings.
next, he has been unable to pay for a lawyer so far as the debts are leaving him with very little each month, so far both sides are going on advice of the english citizens advice where a free solicitor is at hand who he has seen a few times so far.
also, i may have mentioned but the children are in school and his ex to be work while they learn, she has a great income.
the reason my partner has offered to pay more than required is because she went into depression from worry and he doesnt want his children to see her like that.
he has a heart of gold, and as i may have said, shes a very nice woman, shes just trying to grab all she can without realising what he will lose
also, to the person who said i have no idea at what it is like raising kids, i have two of my own and a deceased husband
one last thing, im not getting involved, he tells me all about it, if he wants advice i try my best to give it but otherwise i stay clear, i just feel helpless which is why i have asked this question. i just want to make him smile by giving him some good news
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Your boyfriend needs to get an attorney. Why is he doing this alone? She can’t ‘take’ his pension per se….she may be entitled to something, but he is being really ridiculous trying to come to an agreement without the help of counsel.
that’s usually how divorce works. The more you earn, the more you pay to your ex in alimony & child support so that they can live the life they’ve been accustomed to living. If she hasn’t worked full time in years, she is entitled to more.
Your b/f is getting the shaft.
His ex is entitled to half the marital assets. Your b/f is a moron for giving her the house, the car and taking all the debt.
Yes he can fight for his pension, but he’s going to need to hire a lawyer. And while he’s fighting for his pension, his lawyer can get back all the stuff he handed over to his ex wife for no reason.
she cant get it now! if she get married she wont get it in the future !
He needs to get qualified legal advice and you need to try and keep out of it. It sounds like his ex has just been sensible enough to get herself a decent lawyer – something which he needs to do as well.
he needs a lawyer..and the one that said he should get half if right..he should..yeah she will get child support and if she did not work alimony for a set period of time..he needs to find a lawyer that will give him a free consult..if he was a police officer he should know some one who can help him..or maybe they offer help to there police officers, he needs to start asking around..all the other officers who have gone through this.,.
She’s raising his two children. Children are expensive. OF COURSE she’s getting a lot. Has she been a stay-at-home mother? Then she’ll be awarded more because her job skills are out of date and she won’t be able to draw the same income as if she had never quit working. If he doesn’t like it, he shouldn’t have had her stay home.
He could always try dumping you and fixing his marriage. Personally, I wouldn’t be with this guy. If he cheated on her, he’ll cheat on you.
His wife would be entitled to receive a portion of his pension that was earned during the length of their marriage.
I know that your boyfriend would like to do the right thing and provide for his children, but he is making a huge mistake in agreeing to pay off her car and paying more in child support than the guidelines say he should pay. I believe that he is trying to do the right thing, but maybe he should agree to pay what the guidelines specify that he owes so that he won’t be in default if he isn’t able to pay that amount on a monthly basis. Instead, he could choose to take the kids shopping for new school clothes/shoes or put money away in savings for them.
I don’t think that he should be paying off the car and other debts unless he is ordered to do so by the Judge. The more he pays and the longer he pays is only showing the Judge that he is capable. Working extra hours will only increase his monthly income which will, in turn, increase the amount of child support he is suppose to pay.
If your boyfriend does not have his own lawyer, he needs to get one asap. A lawyer can only represent one party. A lawyer is suppose to do what is best for their client.
You, madam, would be well advised to stay out of it. It’s clear to me you have NO IDEA what’s involved in raising two kids while you wait for him to start it all again with you. Happily, the rules involved in dividing assets of the marriage require the courts to look first at the interest of the children and then at the interest of spouse, who no doubt contributed much toward copper boy’s ability to advance and acquire that pension. Let his atty run the file in peace. There’s no way he’ll lose his pension entirely but he’ll be required to cut spouse in as per rules pertaining to pension severance. Her own earning capacity will be considered in the settlement proceedings.
If he’s acting out of guilt, so be it! There SHOULD be a very real emotional and financial penalty for extra-marital dalliances. If he’d waited to end the marriage before beginning a new thing, it probably wouldn’t be as painful. Oh, well.
The bad new for you is that interceding will only add to his misery. You’ll cease to be a pleasant safe haven if you start putting stick about and then where are you?
Best advice is to keep a low profile and learn what you can about his assets and his negotiation style in an emotionally-charged setting for future reference.
And lest you forget, loyalty doesn’t mean much to your copper. Unless you’ve got something unique his wife doesn’t have, he’ll probably do the same to you.
From my understanding, it depends on how long they were married as to if she has any supposed rights to his pension. I don’t think there is really anything he can do about it. What I have noticed is that whatever a women wants they get, even if the poor guy is living on the street so they can live in a mansion. I legally could have taken my ex to the cleaners and he would have had nothing, but I just wanted to get on with my life and get him out of it. I wonder though, if she has a pension with her job, he should be able to get some of that.