Help Debts

Posts Tagged ‘glimmer of hope’

Ok, I have had a real difficult time letting go of my ex, I have wanted nothing more than for us to get back together. My family wants me to move on because she has deceived and lied to me for so long (and them too). It would be helpful to me for some interpretation of this email (no chance or a glimmer of hope) and any response that may be favorable to get her back. I am guessing that I need to move on, but want her back more than anything. Some background:
The fights we had were about finances mostly, I just wanted what was best for us. Stirling is the name of my adopted son (I miss him so much). You can bash me all you want, I have never felt so miserable in my life. Well here is the email:

Oh David,

I’ve been trying to think of what I wanted to say to you…thinking of the letter to you that I want to write.

I don’t want you to think that I have wanted nothing to do with you, I wouldn’t have stayed with you if that were the case. I have loved you so much and just had wished we could go back to the way things were when we were more carefree…when we would fight then it would be over until the next time. It has been a long time since we’ve had more good times than bad…"people" were telling me to leave you all the time, saying that they didn’t understand why I was staying with you. I want you to know those "people" weren’t my family either, my family still doesn’t speak badly for they know how I feel about you and know that it would do no good to sit there and try and tell me you’re a horrible person…that it would just make me angry at them. Yes I complained about the way you were treating me for a long time, I also had hope that I would be able to make it better by just going back to work…I also felt a tremendous amount of pressure on how I was going to be able to handle it all. To be able to be a full time mom, worker and keep the household in check. I don’t think you understand how much anxiety I had over all those issues. I always thought you wanted someone like your mom that would be able to handle it all…with four boys to take care of…but those are not easy shoes to fill. Your mom makes everything look effortless and perfect, and I never understood how she did it all with such ease. Maybe it’s my fault for thinking that’s what you wanted and crumbling under the pressure to be that person. It hurts me when you say that everyone is speaking poorly of me and makes me wonder why you even bring it up. Any time you say those things it makes me believe that we are in the right situation right now…that they want better for you than me. When you tell me those things it makes me believe that I would be walking into a cold situation where I wouldn’t be able to feel comfortable and part of your family again. You don’t realize that not only have I lost you, I have lost a whole family. I felt part of your family and enjoyed talking to Uncle Dennis and Ben…and feeling like I was part of the clan when I went to visit. I feel like I’m living in a soap opera now, something always going on and happening and that is not what I want out of life. I dream of being able to stand on my own two feet. I have a goal of being able to support myself and Stirling and raise him in a happy environment. I want to be able to provide for him, and be able to save for his future. I want to be able to take care of all my past debts and feel good about not owing anything to anybody. I may not know what job it is that I want to do in life, but I know that I want to work some place that I don’t mind going to, some place that I embrace and am not afraid of what I’m going to have to deal with when I go in. I want to be happy and laugh and enjoy all the little moments that bring so much joy in life. I don’t have long terms goals as I sit here and live in the moment. I know that now and in the future I want Stirling to have a good life…I don’t know that I care if I get married or have a family because right now Stirling is my family and I’m happy with that. I’m not on a search for a new person in my life and maybe that’s a fault I had before…I was more worried about how I was being treated and the attention given to me rather than the attention I should give to others and the life that I should be providing for those around me.

I refinanced my house through Ocwen in 2002 just before a major surgery to help with cost that I knew I would incur during the no work time. They told me one thing on the phone and when it came to signing, the paper work was nothing like what they offered me on the phone, but at the time is was only one week before surgery so I went ahead and signed. Since then I struggled and finally last year I was able to pay off my 2nd mortgage and all credit cards. The only bill left was the mortgage, since I paid off my vehicle the year before. November of last year I was in a bad car accident that totaled my vehicle. After receiving the check from the insurance company I purchased a used 2008 Dodge Advenger for 15,000 with 6,500 down on a 36 month loan. (Trying to stay debt free). Well December comes in and on the 2nd I was informed that layoffs would begin that week and sure enough two days later I got the call not to come in. This was a big surprise, since my company received records profits just the quarter before. Anyway I feel really bad, but I just cannot handle the mortgage payments anymore and I have tried everything to get the mortgage company to do something. They say I do not make enough for them to be able to help me. I am currently spending three hundred every month more than I am bringing in. My savings is now gone and starting to use credit cards again. And at this point I have a good chance of getting a job outside of Michigan, but if I do get the Obama modification I have to stay here with no hope of a job. Things just look worse at my company each month.
Will I be able to keep the car even though there is some equity in it? And can I let the house go this way with no reprecussions? I feel bad, but I also feel they took advantage of me when I was in a bad situation. And I have had the house on the market for over three years with not even a glimmer of hope. Thanks in advance for any and all advice. For those who like to talk down about people that file bankruptcy I pray you never find yourself in this situation. Current situation:

House owed 99,500 value about 105,000
Car owed 7,000 value about 15,000 (kbb)