Help Debts

Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

Let me preface this by saying that I am not yet TTC, but have plans to in the future.

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year, and have plans for children, but are waiting until our debts are paid off and we are in our own home (which, by our timeline, should happen in 2 years). I am 27 (will be 28 in September), and I know 7 women at the moment who are all younger than me (by 2-4 years) that are either pregnant or have recently had a baby. One is a women I work with and the others are friends on Facebook who either update their statuses about the pregnancies/children, or their profile pics are their sonograms/kids. Anytime I log on, I get a reminder of their pregnancies. Of these women on FB, only one is someone I consider a really close friend.

Lately, I’ve been feeling really jealous of all of them. They are all younger than me (like I said, 2-4 years), one just got married a few months ago, and one isn’t married at all. I’m older, and yet I have to actively NOT get pregnant while these younger women are all able to go ahead and conceive. Logically, I really do understand that this isn’t about fairness, nor is it my place to measure someone else’s readiness for being a parent against my own. There’s just a part of me that feels like I’ve been waiting longer than any of them, and I feel left out for having to wait longer than they did. They’re not just having their first children at a younger age than I will be; they’re having their first children before I’m able to have mine. A thought like that is hard for me to truly swallow.

What I want to know from anybody who is currently pregnant, yet has non-pregnant friends, is the best way, from your perspective, that I can handle this so that I don’t do or say the wrong thing. I never want to make any of these women feel guilty (after all, they’ve done nothing wrong), but at the same time, it’s difficult for me to truly share in their happiness.

In regards to my FB friends, would it be overboard of me to unfriend these women? Like I said, I’d only consider one of them a close friend- we went to each other’s weddings, and chat on-line regularly.

As for the lady I work with…My first thought is to just try and avoid her when I’m not in the mood for pregnancy talk, but a part of me feels that may make me look too bitter. I just don’t want to risk saying the wrong thing or having a comment misconstrued and offending someone who really has done nothing wrong. I’m not that close with her,so I’m not sure a sit-down talk about my feelings is warranted. I just want to know what someone in her position would most like from someone in mine.

Thanks so much.
Baby #2, first of all congratulations! You are 100% correct- I do want a baby right now. I’ve always been very committed to our plan to get rid of our debt and be in our own home before having little ones, but now that 7 colleagues and friends from school who are all younger are now having kids, it’s making me impatient. It’s jealousy that we will have to have been married for 3 years to have our first child while Susie Q and her husband were only married a few months.
Bonini, I’ve already admitted it’s due to my jealousy- heck, it’s in the question. My husband and I are dedicated to our timeline, but in the meantime, that doesn’t change the fact that my heart is aching for our first child NOW. Any reasonable person would understand that, when there’s something you want that you can’t have right away, and you see everybody else getting it, it gets inside your head a little bit. What I am asking for is how to best deal with these feelings when interacting with these women. I’m struggling with my own feelings, but do not want to risk inappropriately expressing them at the expense of another’s.

The first one if for a health care company. It would be for 3 grand less then the other job. I wouldn’t have to work weekends or nights. I also wouldn’t have any customer contact, I would be doing claims. It also wouldn’t offer any extra pay incentives.

The other job offer is more money (3,000 more). I have worked for this company before. However I would have to work one weekend day a week, and its also for credit card customer service. Phone work and back to back calls. Actually I worked this position before, but they now have different systems. There is the opportunity to make extra money. It would include selling and also be based off metrics ( call quality, call time) This company however due to the economy will not be giving out raises for the next two years.

About me: I have worked for financial companies for the past 7 years and have always been in a heavy customer contact positions. I am good at working on phones but don’t enjoy it. I am looking to go into the health care field for a long term career either by getting my CNA or going into medical billing and coding. Money is a influential factor to me, but my spouse makes a decent amount of pay. With his salary we can pay our bills and have a bit left over for groceries, but are not able to pay off any debt or have extra money for fun outings. Paying off all of our debt in the next two years is one of our goals. We are looking to be debt free. I have however been unemployed for the last month (laid off) and have really learned how to save and shop better.

I am just so torn between the two. It’s really weird to have no job offers then two pop up at the same time. I really like the fact for having no customer contact, but I know we can also use any extra money. It’s really down to the point of choosing money or happiness.

Any advice is greatly appreciated….what do you think I should pick…also which one would you pick and why? Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and your response.

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority…the Constitution was made to guard against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
- Noah Webster

"But with respect to future debt; would it not be wise and just for that nation to declare in the constitution they are forming that neither the legislature, nor the nation itself can validly contract more debt, than they may pay within their own age, or within the term of 19 years." –Thomas Jefferson

In every country and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty. ~ Thomas Jefferson

Religion flourishes in greater purity, without than with the aid of Government. ~ James Madison

When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic. ~ Benjamin Franklin

The government of the United States is a definite government, confined to specified objects. It is not like the state governments, whose powers are more general. Charity is no part of the legislative duty of the government. ~ James Madison

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. ~ Thomas Jefferson

Commerce with all nations, alliance with none, should be our motto. ~ Thomas Jefferson

Observe good faith and justice toward all nations. Cultivate peace and harmony with all. ~ George Washington

Tis our true policy to steer clear of permanent Alliances, with any portion of the foreign world. ~ George Washington

No nation was ever ruined by trade, even seemingly the most disadvantageous. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Leave no authority existing not responsible to the people. ~ Thomas Jefferson

It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a Free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even of his personal services to the defense of it. ~ George Washington

Any people that would give up liberty for a little temporary safety deserves neither liberty nor safety ~ Benjamin Franklin

If you love wealth more than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, depart from us in peace. We ask not your counsel nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you. May your chains rest lightly upon you and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen. ~ Samuel Adams

If we desire to avoid insult, we must be able to repel it; if we desire to secure peace, one of the most powerful instruments of our rising prosperity, it must be known, that we are at all times ready for War. ~ George Washington

America was indebted to immigration for her settlement and prosperity. That part of America which had encouraged them most had advanced most rapidly in population, agriculture and the arts. ~ James Madison

Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses longing to be free ~ The Statue of Liberty

Ok…that last one wasn’t from the Founding Fathers…

OK

Without revealing too much personal information i will say right now my wife and I are living paycheck to paycheck. We have debt in credit cards over 15k but under 20k. I have a college loan in repayment, paying for 1 new car, and rent is very high. We have never missed a payment on anything and my credit rating (and hers) is stellar.

We live well and make a very respectable wage.

Now if we were to consider buying a house right now we would have very little to put down however the way the market is our mortgage would be less than our rent so saving money there. To add to that the market will increase (eventually) giving us ridiculous equity on whatever home we buy.

Option two is a three year plan. We move out when the lease is up in march and downgrade to another apartment for near 1/2 to 2/3 of what we are paying now, and in three years be credit debt free and have over 10k for downpayment.

Monitarily either situation is feasible but which one is better? I would like to hear from people with experience in the matter or experience with home buying. If you do not have this experience i would prefer you keep your comments to yourself.

Thank you
Estielmo: I am not sure why you are angry but you may want to speak to a therapist – furthermore there is a fine line between happiness and flat out being cheap. You are far too in the cheap for me however your advice is certainly sound and weill informed for people who are in far more deperate times than myself. As I said I am paycheck to paycheck but not in any risk of missing payments or otherwise.

could you please help me find solution to be free of debt? what can I do in a daily basic to be free of 40,000 $ debt. I feel like I am trapped for the rest of my life with this debt. I have 2 kids, no saving, I just realized that I need help to clear this debt. Yes I make a nice salary but the debt amout is way to high to pay it without sacrifying my kids life and happiness. Please help, I am crying to you for your advice or anything usefull to help me free myself. thank you all for your comprehension and not insulting me