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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years, and lived together 2 1/2 years. Recently he graduated from college and started working in an excellent job, and has guaranteed promotions for the next three years. The downside to this is that he moved about 2 hours away from where I am finishing up my last year of college. I will be graduating in August ’10, and will immediately be moving up to where he lives to continue my education and receive my masters. I am 21 currently – 22 in December – and he is 23. We’ve discussed getting a house together, traveling overseas together (on job assignments) and other long-term issues.

However, when the discussion of ‘Marriage’ and ‘Engagement’ was brought up, we seemed to have differing ideas. My thoughts were that I want to be married at around 24-25, and I’ve always desired a long engagement, about two years, so that I will have plenty of time to plan the wedding. (I am a big D-I-Y gal) So for all you folks who did the math, that puts the engagement within this next year. I’ve always felt that getting engaged in college was a little foolish, but now that I am entering my last year of undergraduate school, and see at least another year of continued education, I feel like I can handle both school and engagement. (As a note, my grandparents left me money to get a masters with – so I will have no debt to pay – so money will not be an issue.)

On the other hand is my boyfriend’s thoughts, while similar, the timing is a bit longer than I would like. He is a very logical person, and expressed his desire to wait until after I have a steady job and we are living together so that we can get a ‘preview’ of our married life together, before even getting engaged. He said he wants to make sure that our forever would be what we both want and that we would both be happy, though he assured me, he feels it will work out just fine. I think this makes sense, it is perfectly logical to sort of ‘test drive’ the marriage before committing. Though I see the logical side of his reasons, I cannot help but entwine emotion into the scenario.

I love him, and I know that no matter what happens I will be able to continue to support him and make sacrifices. Our relationship was great while we lived together in college, and I don’t foresee any major difference in married life, except for instead of going to class every day we go to work, and instead of homework we have work-related tasks to get done. I understand work can be extremely stressful and some days will be bad – but we’ve both already experienced one another in stressful situations (Finals, cram time, etc.) And while I know there are other factors to stress, he and I deal with any type of stress in the same way, regardless of what the trigger was.

Because of this, I don’t feel like we need to wait until I have a steady job to get engaged. Not married, but engaged. When I explained this to him, he agreed with me, but said that he viewed being engaged as the same thing as being married except without the legal benefits and the official title, and that you can’t simply ‘back out’ if things don’t work out. (Which he assured me he didn’t see happening – also he wants a quick engagement) I’m not worried about things not working out, because I know that no matter what I want to spend the rest of my life with him, for richer or poorer, through sickness and in health.

That said, my question isn’t simply “How do I tell him I want to get engaged now?” or “How do I rush the engagement?” because that is not what I want answered. I want advice and your thoughts on our situation. The timing of our wedding would be about the same time (3 years from now) regardless if we got engaged after I am out of Undergraduate school or after I have a steady job. The only difference would be the time spent engaged, and the conditions under which we were engaged. So what should I do? I know that I can’t force him to propose – and I wouldn’t want that to happen, it wouldn’t be meaningful. At the same time, however, I also need to take my wants into consideration. How should I go about handling this situation? Thanks in advance.
I guess I didn’t make this clear, I want to wait until after I have a job to get married. The issue is with the engagement part. I want to be engaged BEFORE we move in together, and he wants to be engaged AFTER. We both want to be married AFTER we live together. Trust me, I am not rushing getting married. I don’t want to be married for at least another two years – but I would like to at least be engaged before I make serious life commitments (i.e. buy a house).
((also I want to add, that I would like to be engaged before I commit to a job there))

follow his instructions so he took away my debt card and check book. You see I don’t work right now didn’t get hired this x-mas season well am in a big mess any advice on how to go about getting divorced.
Well stood in this terrible marriage for the sake of my sons didn’t want to drag them in a divorce, but now they are grown men and really good men Now I can divorce him and not drag my kids with me need your advice

Will a spouse have to pay 1/2 of the debt that was occured during the marriage while getting a divorce?

So after just a little over a quarter century of marriage to a demon bastard worthless man, I want out. It no longer serves to stay married. He’s a liar, a thief, a sociopath. So my question is (if there is a free legal advice site for this please let me know) how do I divorce him so that he gets nothing!? He’s stolen from my business and from my accounts. He attempts to make deals to sell MY property to make more money when everything that is here is in my name including the land & house.

I figure what the bastard has stolen already is settlement enough. I want to divorce him so he has nothing but what he came in with. Which I’ll help him pack.
I’m so far into debt because of him that I’m considering bankruptcy to get out. My credit is screwed anyway so if I’m going to be screwed for 7 years and counting now with the bills I can’t pay or that are late I might as well make that time count by declaring bankruptcy and getting out from under to start fresh. That way when that same period of credit report info runs out as it will if I just keep accruing bad credit it will be worth it in the end so I can start over free of his evil and able then to pay my bills.

HELP!
I can’t live like this anymore.He is the worst thing that ever happened to me. I deserve better than to suffer like this.
Actually Garnet, (interesting because Garnet is my birthstone) , I did pick him. But as anyone who is in a bad marriage knows people change after the ceremony. Had I known what he is when I met him, I’d have never spoken to him beyond the first hello.
So contrary to what many like yourself think, I did not ask for nor do I deserve this.

I live in Delaware. So I’ll have to do the research. I own everything here. My property, my business, etc… I inherited it all.
I’m looking to make sure he can’t take half of everything even though it’s not anything that could be free and clear money because of certain business liabilities associated with. (Business is mine too)
He’s stolen enough I figure that’s his part of the final settlement that put us in this present financial bind.
Pre-nups are indeed great. If I’d have thought he was the kind of guy he is now I wouldn’t be asking this question.If I projected he was likely to become this & gotten the P just in case I’d have been a fool.

I have past due debts that were suppost to be paid off when I was in my previous marriage, but my ex kept the money and and bills to make me think they were paid off. Now I have discovered they were not paid off and they are extremely past due, I am going to pay them off, but my credit report will be negative for seven years, is there anything I can do to have the negative report removed from my credit rating?

my wife and I got together when she got pregnant with our first born. we were both getting over serious relationships when we met. anyway she hated her ex and I was just getting to not think of mine everyday. well we moved in together and I worked all the time to pay off all her debts and with a little help from her grandparents she was able to get back into college. and stop working 2 full time jobs. well I Fell madly in love in no time and she said the same thing. we got married and ended up with another kid together. I was living my American dream. she tried telling me she wasn’t happy but I guess I just figured it was a mood she was in and she would move on sooner or later and be happy again. Just figured it to be the pressures from two kids and going to school full time. any way she contacted her ex one day online and has been IM him pretty regular ever since. the only reason I know is she told me about it one night maybe to show how unhappy she really was. I cant get over the feeling that she still loves him and wants him back. our marriage counclor told her for us to work out our problems she needed to stop communicating with him I even threatened to kick her out and keep our baby’s. and she said no. Now what does that tell you about her feelings. anyway. I understand needing closure but at what cost. She wont tell me she loves me and i sometimes feel as though she is here so she can finish school then she will be gone. and I will have waisted another year of my life. She tells me she just doesn’t want anything serious and is so tired of talking about him. But she referred to me to him as "the guy i live with" wow how do you handle that. I really would have thought i was so much more than that. anyway. she tells me she is seeing a councelor to work out her issues and doesn’t know what she wants with me but for now its not me. But when I offered to move out and keep paying the bills and let her stay in the house till she graduates she said no that she wants to be around with me. but she gives me no reason by her actions that she really wants to work it out. I wanna get this ex out of her life but she has made it clear I gotta deal with it or get over it. she is gonna be friends with him. She says jealousy is not fair in a relationship. But is doing something that is so hard for your spouse to handle and telling them to just get over it. Is that fair?

DH and I have been TTC for over 2 years and recently had a conversation w/ family friends we know from DHs work. The woman who is pregnant is wanting to give her baby up for adoption. This may be a little confusing but we are really looking for some advice. Ok, we have met the birth mother about 4 times through that work connection but she was not preg at the time. Her older sister is also my hair stylist..anyway at my appointment today she was asking about how our TTC has been going. I told her we are still trying but are probably looking more towards IUI/IVF if things didnt work out this cycle and that we were unsure about those procedures and because we have been talking more and more about adoption. She said funny you should mention that bc you know my sister ***** well she is pregnant and looking at families for adoption. She then said the birth mother/sister had thought about us and mentioned it to her bc of our miscarriage earlier in the summer. (a lot of ppl know we had a miscarriage) Anyway she asked if we would want to meet w/ her.
*Birth mother info:
Approx 25yrs old, one 7 year old she shares custody of, not married and doesnt want another child until she remarries. She has already interviewed 4 families but didn’t feel a connection w/ any of them, she wants an open adoption, like letters and pics, not looking for any compensation just having the adoption lawyer paid for*
Of course DH and I were happy and excited about the thought that someone may consider us to adopt their child and much more quickly than we thought a baby would come into our lives (shes due in march) ! But we don’t want to get ahead of ourselves w/ out being informed and also having some input. However, we feel a child reguardless would be the most percious blessing.
Our thoughts are… how close is too close when it comes to adoption? My DH works at the same company w/ what would be the childs uncle by marriage-not blood related. We would see his wife the childs aunt (by blood) approx 6x/year. I have probably been around the birth mother about 4x in the past before she was preg, but we wouldnt necessairly see eachother, or the other family memebers because we are moving closer to the city about 25 min away. Most of the birth mothers fam lives in the same state/area and I have met the gma,gpa, cousins, etc- all nice ppl all-all like us, and they all agree birthmom is doing the right thing and think this is the most mature thing she has done. I dont know her that well but I know she def isn’t stable but def is a nice person.
I also asked if she is only considering couples who can’t have children bc what if DH and I wanted to do the procedures/ or got preg eventually and she said that was fine.
So whats too close for an adoption like this? Anyone have similar experiences? Concerns? How would this work? How would you feel if you just happened to run into the BM or BM fam member a year later at the zoo or something? Does everyone have to have a homestudy? What about debt, do we have to be debt free or it that up to the BM? If our only costs truly are just the lawyer, approx how much would that be? Our main concern is if the BM would want more ‘space’ between her and the adoptive parents, to make it easier for her.
We really appreciate all input.
WOW Annabelle! I can not believe you are a ‘top contributer’ w/ answers like that! We found your answer equally offensive, ignorant, and rude! By no means The reason we say Birth Mother is because that is infact what the woman is referring to herself as, so………..
Lots of ppl abbreviate, get over it.
We are just scratching the surface of this situation and looking for a little guidance because the family approached US. I can’t believe how negative you are! I have heard of private adoptins were, when no agency was invloved, there were no home studies so I was just wanting to see if anyone else has experienced.
Last, to suggest you have to give up on your fertility to adopt is the most absurd thing I have ever heard. A child who needs a loving, stable home is just that, period! Maybe you should sleep off this bad mood. WOW I thought this was a forum to help eachother w/ life experiences, etc I guess it can also be used to hurt others if you are the one answering. Askers beware!
Adoption is not our second choice! I guess we a re coming off way wrong here! We have done nothing but think of the ‘expectant mother’ since that what everyone ‘wants’ us to say even though that was not what she was calling herself. I am not sad about our infertility, yes the miscarraige was hard but i understand it’s life and things work out the way they are supposed to. Something is telling me we met this family for a reason. I would love it if the ‘expectant mother’ wanted to keep her baby too but she does not want to be a mother, she is trying to give up partial custody of her other child. I was trying to be respectful. If we adopt great, if we have a baby, great. why does it have to be either or when it comes to making a family where everyone is loved?? I am so suprised by these answers!
Why does it have to be about adopt or natural? Why can’t it be the more the merrier? I think if we did adopt we would def stop fertility treatments but if it happened naturally than let it be. I am not interested in one more than the other My DH and I both agree it was a toss up once we got to IVF because we knew we could provide a loving home-forever-no matter what- so no other details matter to us. I really like the natural family and would not feel bad running into them I just don’t want to make it harder on the expectant mother. We are not so desperate for a ‘baby’ that we would be angry if the expectant mother decided to keep her child, I don’t care who believes me on that! I know we will have a family and truly believe what is meant to be will be.
I really feel thankful for the last few answers you have helped me understand more about this kind situation. We are starting at the bottom level. Hasn’t everyone been there? I would think so. Thank you for explaining why birth mother and expectant mother are different and something to consider more respectfully. i never mean’t disrespect towards the Expectant Mother, i asked her what she would wanted to be called, if she wanted to help w/ naming the child, and why she doesn’t want to keep the child and she (who is def not being coerced bc 2 of her sisters offered for her to live w/ them for free) said through a lot of counseling and soul searching does not feel she is a good mother and would prefer a more friend role, if that. Thank you for those of you who did not attack us and worded things kindly while still getting the same point across. We are not desperate for a baby but were open to and excited about the idea of starting a family when the need presented itself.
the father wants nothing to do w/ the child and suggested abortion and has told her he will sign adoption papers any day.
the sister/ hair stylist did not get involved uninvited the expectant mother knew we had an appointment (bc she is living w/ the hair stylist/sister and asked her to talk to us about it. She said she has thought of us from the beginning.

I’ve dated my ex for two years. We’ve always had problems with outside influences like family and friends. But when it’s just us two, everything feels so good and being anywhere else would be stupid. He’s my best friend and we connect in so many ways. I broke up with him because at the time i felt he wasn’t being honest to me and he was taking on too many outside opinions. On top of it he was drinking too much and i felt he was constantly trying to talk to other girls. But i learned a lot of those thoughts were do to my insecurities. A year went by and i found myself not being able to move on because i still had deep feeling for him. We started talking again but we rushed everything and he told me he needed to end what ever we had going because mentally he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship because he wasn’t happy with himself and he couldn’t make anyone happy in that state. It broke my heart because he made me believe he was ready but then told me he wasn’t. And because of that i feel depression in many aspects, feeling insecure and not good enough. I was at a point where i hated him, but thanks to a friend who helped me see his point of view i forgave him and told him we should just stop talking and maybe we could be friends in the future. He’s back now because i’ve let him back in. But he has changed in soo many ways. He seems more motivated in life and he’s stop drinking. He’s also almost debt free which was another problem we had. He seems more mature and responsible. The thing is tho he talks about wanting to get back together with me but not right away because he needs to focus on his goals of paying his debt before he can fully give himself to me. I don’t know weather i should trust him? If he’s not ready now, will he ever be? And a good part of me feels like he has too prove to me that he’s serious about really wanting to be with me? And on top of it all he says he’s scared of marriage because he doesn’t want to be hurt. I do have deep feelings for him and i can see ourselves living a happy life together. But is it worth all this? How do i trust he won’t break my heart again? or maybe he broke my heart because i broke his heart first? Please i clearly need some advice
PLEASE ANY ADVICE IS GREATLY APPRECIATED

I’ve dated my ex for two years. We’ve always had problems with outside influences like family and friends. But when it’s just us two, everything feels so good and being anywhere else would be stupid. He’s my best friend and we connect in so many ways. I broke up with him because at the time i felt he wasn’t being honest to me and he was taking on too many outside opinions. On top of it he was drinking too much and i felt he was constantly trying to talk to other girls. But i learned a lot of those thoughts were do to my insecurities. A year went by and i found myself not being able to move on because i still had deep feeling for him. We started talking again but we rushed everything and he told me he needed to end what ever we had going because mentally he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship because he wasn’t happy with himself and he couldn’t make anyone happy in that state. It broke my heart because he made me believe he was ready but then told me he wasn’t. And because of that i feel depression in many aspects, feeling insecure and not good enough. I was at a point where i hated him, but thanks to a friend who helped me see his point of view i forgave him and told him we should just stop talking and maybe we could be friends in the future. He’s back now because i’ve let him back in. But he has changed in soo many ways. He seems more motivated in life and he’s stop drinking. He’s also almost debt free which was another problem we had. He seems more mature and responsible. The thing is tho he talks about wanting to get back together with me but not right away because he needs to focus on his goals of paying his debt before he can fully give himself to me. I don’t know weather i should trust him? If he’s not ready now, will he ever be? And a good part of me feels like he has too prove to me that he’s serious about really wanting to be with me? And on top of it all he says he’s scared of marriage because he doesn’t want to be hurt. I do have deep feelings for him and i can see ourselves living a happy life together. But is it worth all this? How do i trust he won’t break my heart again? or maybe he broke my heart because i broke his heart first? Please i clearly need some advice

My wife had debts prior to our recent marriage, and I knew about these, but was sure in my mind that I could not be held liable, but now I’m not sure.