Help Debts

Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

we are both 25, and we were together for a year, and we were both pretty happy. I know i was. we used to hang out a lot, we knew eachothers families, and generally grew pretty intimate.

she broke it off with me 3 weeks ago…she said roughly "well, i think im a bit overwhelemed with this relationship, im a little bored…plus i need to go back to school fulltime, and pay my credit card debt (which i never knewn existed)..and generally just be free to hang with my friends and family and be myself again without this commitment"

as much as it hurt, i respected that…and let her go her way.

our very last conversation was at a club, and i was drunk, and said some really mean things…to which said "your a jerk, i cant believe you, after what u said i never want to hear from you again"

SO.. i didnt bug her at all for about 2 weeks after that fight..and on my bday..i get a text from her RIGHT at midnite exactly saying "i know i shouldnt be txting you, but happy bday!"… since it came exactly at midnite, im lead to believe there was anticipation/thought. Had it come later in the day, i wouldnt look so much into it, and dismiss it as her just being nice…but right at midnite???

so, i never replied…and then a week after that, i get another text from her at night saying "i know i shouldnt txt you, but youve been on my mind, i miss you, and this has been hard on me"…

i havent replied. maybe she was out, and a little buzzed???

I still love her very much. I really do, and this whole thing has been hard on me aswell. I wanted to respect her, so i left her alone and didnt show any signs of "begging". But now that i see she’s sending me these texts, i dont know whether to continue leaving her alone, or what???

i was planning to leave a note on her car apologizing for the "bad stuff i said" and letting her know that i still loved her, but will respect her choice to move on, and in turn will also move on. I wanted to leave this note because we do live in the same neighborhood and are bound to run in to eachother, and also just to stay on good terms, and not hate one another…but now i dont know if I should leave the note, or call her, text her back..what?!!?

any advice? of course i want to reply and try to patch things up, but maybe thats not such a good idea??? i have not idea what to do…

guy probs..need others advice….i have my boyfriend living with me…weve been dating for about 4 months now…ive known him for about 6-7…..k so hes not really taking charge in our relationship…i am a mother of a 3 yr old child…its like he accepts me but not the fact of being a "step-dad" he says that when he was growing up his step side of the family like his stepmom wouldnt really disciplin him or anything so he doesnt feel that its his place….now ive been having my probs with him since he got the new car on a sort of advance from my mother…she has her own business and i gt him a job with her….now i have been debating the issue of dumping him….i want to break it off completely but i dont want to throw him out on the street without a job and with a debt to my mother….how do i go about either saving the relationship or ending the relationship?…..
PS….sex hasant been good either….i mean feelingless….sex is there but its not sensual…its just there…..
HELP I NEED ADVICE….feel free to be as cruel or brutally honest as u may feel u have to be…for i def need to hear it from all angles

Having been in an RTA in 2008 I lost my job, my wife worked (supporting us both for the 1st year after the accident) then gave up work due to the arrival of our beautiful baby girl. We had to claim benefits (where she gets every penny of it excluding tobacco money, I some times get £10 every two weeks for myself!) but I have no real `personal allowance` mainly due to needing every penny to keep us afloat which I understand, but she was like this when we were both working! I never go to the pub (well, once every 3-4 months, and am only aloud £10 at most!) or buy luxury items (neither does she, excluding make up, women’s magazines, coffee at the shop with her friends, etc.) but spending on small items (sometimes cloths for her) is one sided! Like I said, I have to justify buying a chocolate bar where as if she wants something she will just buy it!Not insulting her but she is a controlling woman in most aspects of our relationship, if I am involved in ANYTHING, she needs all of the facts and forces her input on me, never giving me the space to `be a man` and make decisions on unimportant things that don’t directly effect our home life/security. She will tell me how to handle things that I have already processed and know how to deal with! Not giving me the respect to see if I can deal with things on my own. As a family unit we need to work as a team in financial issues, I get that BUT it does not stop there! I am fed up with hearing..what you should do is.. or why didn’t you do it this way, simple fact is I feel like I am not aloud my own mind but must conform to her way (and her parents way) of thinking on EVERY aspect of MY PERSONNAL life (not disagreeing that we need to act as a team on financial/home issues) but I feel I have not identity of my own or freedom to act as a single person in unimportant issues or minor finances.

Now in 2010 (still awaiting second op) we are still on benefits and I am still unable to work, not likely to for the next year while I heal from the next op in a couple of months. Since the accident my wife has had total control over "our" money. We are expecting quite a large pay (large to me) out soon and cant agree on the details of spending it. My wife is the type who needs to know EVERY detail of EVRYTHING. I quite literally cant buy a chocolate bar with out her moaning about it or having to `justify` myself! We are lucky enough to be debt free at the end of the claim as I intend to pay off ALL of our debts. We cant agree on what to do with the `left over` amount!

An example..

Lets just say we get £15,000 ( I don’t know the correct figure but have already rejected an offer over that amount on my solicitors advice) here is my plan, am I wrong?

Debts come to £8,000 (PAID OFF) hers and mine, all agreed,

£500 baby’s trust fund,

£500 for (planned) baby no 2`s trust fund

£2500 (each) to spend as we please..

Me:

Due to my injury I cant do my old job and need to train in a new career (as advised by the surgeon and solicitor) I have a strong back ground in computers (design & repair)..an investment for a better future in my eyes! (I have a games console, its not about boys toys)..

£1500 for myself for a computers system I desperately need for my media course in Media design which requires a high end PC.

£1000 fees & material costs for my media course.

Wife: (I agreed she can do what she likes with `her share`, which I feel she is not INTITALED to as a RIGHT, but am more than happy to give) her view is “ I will spend a couple of hundred on myself, cloths or what ever) then I will put the rest back in to `the house` to buy a new sofa or what ever else! I said it is for HER personally but she’s having none of it and insists the money goes in to a child’s trust fund and a new sofa..

..Getting the point that she wants a new sofa I try to comprise and say OK, how about we both have (e.g.) £100 each less and buy a sofa. NO, that’s not good enough, NOW she thinks of something else we suddenly need (for the house, not herself) that we have done fine with out up until now! I cant win! I feel I have done more than my best to make us debt free and be fair buy `offering` her half of MY pay out! (which I do see as our money before any talks about marriage sharing stuff!) I wont deny that there is a small part of me that feels that just because we are married, why should she have total control over my personal finances and why am I NOT aloud any `savings` of my own! BUT, would happily give it all (as I already feel I have) to make us debt free. How the heck is this done fairly so that she gets what she needs/wants but I am also `aloud` the right to have x amount in my bank with out having to justify myself (as long as all the bills & debts are paid) ??? She is clearly NOT being greedy BUT controlling! ANY advice that helps both sides of this `team` so that she gets what she needs and I get `some` control over MY finances a

I’ll give you a little bit of back story here. Also I’m sorry this is going to be long but I thank you in advance for reading through!

I have had a pretty wonderful life. I never got along with my father in high school but honestly who does? I graduated and moved out of province for schooling. My parents paid for my tuition and rent while I was there. I was able to graduate debt free with a diploma. I moved back home after school and got a really nice management job. I lived and home and worked for 8 months. I managed to save ,000. I then quit my job and used that money to go on a pretty long extended vacation backpacking Europe for a few months. My life was amazing… I had great friends, an amazing relationship with my family, a stellar boyfriend, and a pretty decent resume.

Then I moved back. I am again living at home and trying to save money for a down payment on a house. But my life has becoming living hell because of my family. I went from being happy and excited about my future to dreading every day. I have started working two jobs to try and get out of my parents house faster. This is not really a problem for me, except for that I am working 7 days a week. I work a later shift so by the time I get home its already after supper.

My family is constantly accusing me of not pulling my weight. But I honestly don’t know what to improve. All of my belongings have been packed away and everything I own is kept to one room. When I cook i clean up my mess. I do my own laundry. I pay all my own expenses (except rent). I’m sure there are ways that i could be better but who couldn’t? When things aren’t put back in their spot the whole house automatically accuses me even when there things that i would never use (my mothers makeup, my brothers toys, food i don’t eat left out in the kitchen). I’m not perfect, i have obviously done these things sometimes but i feel like i have become a scapegoat. They all act like before I moved back life was perfect and I have just created a hassle for everyone. I feel like the things that are causing problems are 100% ridiculous (like me not doing my laundry lately… they don’t wear my clothes why does that matter?)

I am starting to resent my parents. I am miserable more days then I am happy. I dread going home after work because I know its just going to bring drama. I have stopped going out because i never feel like doing anything anymore. My relationship with my boyfriend is suffering because I’m really not happy anymore. I don’t feel anything like myself.

I don’t know if I should suck it up and save up the money, or count my blessings and move on. I can afford to move out of my parents house; but i would obviously be renting. I know most people rent, but given the opportunity to save up a down payment who would say no? I also feel like if I move out my parents will take it personally… like I hate living with them when I know they are just trying to help me out. I’m really stuck as to what to do. I think it will take me about 10 months to save up the money that I want… but i feel like I’m risking my happiness for a couple thousand dollars. Is it worth it? I have no idea what to do!

Again thankx for reading this and thank you for your advice!

I’ve dated my ex for two years. We’ve always had problems with outside influences like family and friends. But when it’s just us two, everything feels so good and being anywhere else would be stupid. He’s my best friend and we connect in so many ways. I broke up with him because at the time i felt he wasn’t being honest to me and he was taking on too many outside opinions. On top of it he was drinking too much and i felt he was constantly trying to talk to other girls. But i learned a lot of those thoughts were do to my insecurities. A year went by and i found myself not being able to move on because i still had deep feeling for him. We started talking again but we rushed everything and he told me he needed to end what ever we had going because mentally he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship because he wasn’t happy with himself and he couldn’t make anyone happy in that state. It broke my heart because he made me believe he was ready but then told me he wasn’t. And because of that i feel depression in many aspects, feeling insecure and not good enough. I was at a point where i hated him, but thanks to a friend who helped me see his point of view i forgave him and told him we should just stop talking and maybe we could be friends in the future. He’s back now because i’ve let him back in. But he has changed in soo many ways. He seems more motivated in life and he’s stop drinking. He’s also almost debt free which was another problem we had. He seems more mature and responsible. The thing is tho he talks about wanting to get back together with me but not right away because he needs to focus on his goals of paying his debt before he can fully give himself to me. I don’t know weather i should trust him? If he’s not ready now, will he ever be? And a good part of me feels like he has too prove to me that he’s serious about really wanting to be with me? And on top of it all he says he’s scared of marriage because he doesn’t want to be hurt. I do have deep feelings for him and i can see ourselves living a happy life together. But is it worth all this? How do i trust he won’t break my heart again? or maybe he broke my heart because i broke his heart first? Please i clearly need some advice
PLEASE ANY ADVICE IS GREATLY APPRECIATED

I’ve dated my ex for two years. We’ve always had problems with outside influences like family and friends. But when it’s just us two, everything feels so good and being anywhere else would be stupid. He’s my best friend and we connect in so many ways. I broke up with him because at the time i felt he wasn’t being honest to me and he was taking on too many outside opinions. On top of it he was drinking too much and i felt he was constantly trying to talk to other girls. But i learned a lot of those thoughts were do to my insecurities. A year went by and i found myself not being able to move on because i still had deep feeling for him. We started talking again but we rushed everything and he told me he needed to end what ever we had going because mentally he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship because he wasn’t happy with himself and he couldn’t make anyone happy in that state. It broke my heart because he made me believe he was ready but then told me he wasn’t. And because of that i feel depression in many aspects, feeling insecure and not good enough. I was at a point where i hated him, but thanks to a friend who helped me see his point of view i forgave him and told him we should just stop talking and maybe we could be friends in the future. He’s back now because i’ve let him back in. But he has changed in soo many ways. He seems more motivated in life and he’s stop drinking. He’s also almost debt free which was another problem we had. He seems more mature and responsible. The thing is tho he talks about wanting to get back together with me but not right away because he needs to focus on his goals of paying his debt before he can fully give himself to me. I don’t know weather i should trust him? If he’s not ready now, will he ever be? And a good part of me feels like he has too prove to me that he’s serious about really wanting to be with me? And on top of it all he says he’s scared of marriage because he doesn’t want to be hurt. I do have deep feelings for him and i can see ourselves living a happy life together. But is it worth all this? How do i trust he won’t break my heart again? or maybe he broke my heart because i broke his heart first? Please i clearly need some advice

I’ve been with my bf for almost 7 months now. about 3 months ago he bought a house. before he even thought about buying a house, he told that he’d never charge me rent since he’s the guy. after he bought the house, he wanted me to move in. i told him that i wanted to pay off all my debt before moving in. but he pretty much insisted on me moving in, so of course i moved in, knowing that i’d have most of my debt paid off by then. well now, he wants me to pay him rent at about 0 a month, which surprises me because of what he said before. Soooo now I’m stressing out because I’d like to make more money than I am now & to me & it’s going to be a major life change for me. I’m not on the mortgage, so I think since it’s "his" house he should be able to pay the rent. For making me pay does this sound like a real relationship or a business type relationship? He said he’d consider me as a roommate until we get married, which was dumb of him to say because I’m his gf. And I’ve been living there for 2 months already & apparently he was able to afford his payment by himself so I’m just confused. So how do I handle this situation, I need your opinon!

Mannnnnnn!This is the fourth time. I helped three times before this. 12gs, 15gs, 17gs. I told her not to use them again. Sorry ASKED her not too. I had her cut them up in front of me to help me sleep at night. I pay everything at home and her car note too. All she has to do is take care of her own credit debt and manage it. Food, misc, kids stuff and etc… I got it. Just keep don’t let your debt out weigh your credit.
Long story short…..she reordered the cards because i said don’t cancel them. She helped her blood sucking mom and brother running up 30+ in debt. Didn’t tell me really anything until it was to late. So she got a JOB and she had never to complain to me about why she is working so late and crap. I said well u got debt i have no problem you working late and long hours.Why cant you help me ???????? I did help i said. But i told you not to run it up or I will not pay. I also have to service her car Too $$$$$$$ She was unable to even pay for a oil change. duh! She is still mad i can’t help her. I said I have debt too and if i stop paying mine to help you then i the whole family +5 others will suffer (4kids) because you ran up that debt or you spent money u never had anyway.She would always say i’m cheap. Well i save for just in case days….And retirement…..And kids…..I’m a disabled Vet also….I do what i can.
Then she asked well can WE fill for chapter 13?????????? Inside i died…………..What if she leaves me….Then im stuck with her debt also…..NOOOOOOOOT! So she wants to file Chapter 9. Not me! Sorry not me. Why not get another job? Man she complained more and more she don’t like to work….I want to stay home with the kids..Everything you can think of she said I rather be by myself. I was shocked and said wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Well to me I thought of saying something and i didn’t. You can tell her nothing. She does not see that her actions put a strain on our relationship. She knew better but still wont take responsibility and take care of her debt. She wants the easy way out of it. But to do that she has to divorce me. If it was me I would get as many jobs i need to to get out of that hole. She doesn’t feel that way.
She also brought up to me she would go to escorting because men pay…..I said you crazy. So i said go ahead as long as im divorced from you. Then you can do whatever you want…
People…..I’m trying or yet i have tried so hard to show her how to handle these credit cards and debt. You can led a horse to water but u can’t make them drink.
I really think it’s to a point here after 15yr you would think we would of had that money thing worked out. Her thinking is so far off from mine. For her to put all of us in a money problem to which would hurt the family and to bring up divorce because she is careless with money. I can only do sooooooooooooooooooo much. I really think ….I don’t know….Should i lick my wounds and cut my loss. I just rather stayed a little money on a budget. Heck I didn’t know…………………….

My boyfriend and I are looking for a debt consolidation company that is not a scam. I am not sure what research to do before we commit, so we don’t get taken advantage of. does anyone have any feedback for me. Are there better companies? even any experience with debt consolidations companys, I would love to hear feedback, that is both positive and negative. please help me. We want to step forward in our relationship but financially cannot until our past is behind us. Thank you for any information and your time~!

I know a couple who’s marriage is about to be over. But they owe around ,000 more than their house is worth, and neither can afford the mortgage payment alone.

They are separated technically, but need both incomes to maintain their bills. It is a nice house they both want, but the value has declined so much that the principle debt is way higher. With a much needed divorce, they both realize what needs to be done in their relationship, but are unable to do so. Even if they could sell it in the terrible market, they still would be over k in the hole.

What is the smartest thing to do.
This is serious, so please serious advice only.